Am I living a dream that isn't mine? I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be, not surrounded by people who should be around me, not in the path I should be walking through. But that's life, I guess. All you can do is hope and dream. And even though you try hard to be who you want to be, you'd be a lucky one in between millions, if you ever get there. If you don't, well you just gotta accept it. No matter how bitter it feels. I have not been myself lately, I'm like a machine, doing orders and moving under someone's control. Not that I'm saying that I hate my life, but to be frank, I wish it could be better. I secretly cry myself to bed sometimes. This place, this life, this person. Where, what, who?
Yet there's a passion in my heart, but my voice can't come out. There's a will in my guts, but my muscles can't work.
But I ask myself again, is this just a thing grown ups go through? The breakdowns, the heartbreaks, the unfulfilled expectations?
I've became best friends with the airplanes, the clouds, and the wind. But they can't take me where I want to be.
P.S : I won the
Indonesian Youth Conference blog competition! Read my article online at
The Jakarta Globe's website. My article will be published in the newspaper, soon. How cool is that? ;)
38 comments:
Urrgghh, my life is getting lame too. The assignments, environments and the rest are quite 'blue' pfftt :'( Anyway, CHEER UP Cass :D
congratulation, you're just so great. so you might be happy of it and leave that blue-ness behind..cheer up dear cassey :)
hey cass, congratulations on your winning ok? You deserve it. :)
yayaya,mee too. but then i realized about something. life is not perfect! hah! it's just like a roller coaster. be happy and let it flow. :D cheer up cassey.
omg! casseybunn on the newspaper? hahaha lol, congrats cass :D
If you're not where you feel you're supposed to be, maybe it's actually just a "You're not there yet.". People go through that phase, it's just a chapter of an thick great book. You know you deserve a happy ending. You'll get there eventually :-)
And also, congrats on the winning!
maaaan those pictures and your words make a perfect match. Awesome as always :) Listen to good music, doodling, have a good food with coffee may help you ! Wishing you luck :) Cheer up girl ! Oh and congrats for the blog competition :) !
@Cindy Tantarica
Thank you, Cindy ;}
@Athyssa
Hahaha well thanks! I'm glad the photos look good with the words. That's pretty much what I've been doing, but I can't keep on doing so as I've got soooooo many things going on that requires my full attention. Ah life :')
got confused with this life? sometimes i do feel the same with you too.
thing just don't go with my flow. they have their own route and i dislike it.
have you tried to see from another point of view? maybe you will find out what is the missing link.
hehe. i don't know much tho.
get your colour back! takecare Cass ;)
wow congratulation cassey. :)
@Aditya Tirtakusuma
Right back at ya, my friend. Let's wish for some sugar, everything's too bitter for us :')
@MITA
Well, that's the problem, I can't seem to see where the missing link is. It's like this is my only way, and it's not where I want to go. But, I still believe in miracles though. And yes, I'm trying my best to look beyond my "blueness", from another point of view :) Thank you! The colors will come back soon, I'm sure.
@petrice
Yes, yes I am writing a book! If everything goes smoothly, it will be out some time in the end of this year. Thank you for the love, here's some back at ya XO.
@Nunu Fitria
Yeah, you're right I'm sure. I hope that I'm not there yet. It's just that I feel I'm moving in the wrong direction and I can't go back. If I do decide to go back, I'd hurt people who has been supportive to take me this way. But, yeah, I also believe in happy endings. So, thank you! Thank you very much for your sweet comment :D
Cassey, i heard that you are going to make your book, aren't u?
Can't wait to see n buy it. Hahahaha.
Love u cass.
N i still your huge fans. Xixixixi.
Go cassey! Everything is going to be fine. Wish u all the best. :))
Oooh.. Di koran ap? Kompas? :"D pengen liat.~
reading your post's kinda creepy, now I feel the same way as you do, but pretending you're someone else's.... tiring. speak up sis, it's always better to be ourselves. last thing, remember God always know what's best for us :)
cheer up, and congrats for the competition!
Go easy with your problems, Kak, and you'll find the way to enjoy them. Be tough then, Kak!
Uuh, nice photooooosss
sadly, i feel the same way
i know how is it i really know
everything is just about sacrificing
I believe it's not about what you will ever be, it's about who you are right now. Life is the process, not the result. Having hopes and goals are just as essential as food and water to survive. There will always be people telling you what you can and what you can't do. There will always be expectations and chores to be fulfilled. Responsibility... Certain things one cannot escape, but as a general rule: fuck that. Curve your own path. Follow your own dreams and hopes. Be the person YOU want to be. Striving towards a goal of your own desire is the greatest gift one can ever achieve.
Some people don't have any particular dream or interest. They just float on. They act as expected. They are reasonable. Such people think of life as a chore. It's not. Life is what you make it… it's as clichéd as it gets I know, but it is so true. If you want something, go get it.
I know the feeling though, and I think I know what you mean by letting people down. I am not self-proclaiming my self as the all-knowing random Internet dude. But I've got opinions like everybody else (most people anyway), and so I believe that the best way to deal with this is to be honest with yourself and those around you. If they really support you they don't want you to take the wrong path. They don't want you to be miserable. They wish you the best. Therefore it's in both of your interest, even though it may not seem so on the surface, that you make the choices that makes you happy. That's what life is all about.
"If you don't, well you just gotta accept it. No matter how bitter it feels."
Never accept such a thing. That's what gets you into such a situation in the first place. What you can and what you can't do is a mental thing. If you want it enough, everything is possible. I believe that what you feel now is healthy. It proves you're not a carrier-zombie. It's natural for people like you to feel depressed sometimes… it able you to feel a deeper sense of happiness as well I think. Moods will always vary. I know that for sure. But if you choose the right path it will most likely stay on the good side most of the time :>
“Quit, don’t quit, noodles, don’t noodles. You are too concerned with what was and what will be. There is a saying, “Yesterday is History, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that’s why it is called a present.” - Kung Fu Panda.
I hope this wasn’t too much of a cliché for you. Best of luck to you nonetheless, Cassey! Keep writing – you’re very interesting! What will this book be about? Congratulations on the competition btw! That’s about this much cool:
<----------------------------->
(very cool).
maan, im very happy for you cass for winning the youth conference :D i will be very excited to re-read your published essay :)
i know how that feels cass. when i first got here, i cried myself to sleep every single night. regretting my decision moving here. cause i feel alone. and nobody here understands me.
but afterwhile, i hold on to what my dad always said: "if you know that it is God's plan for you, you will survive by holding onto it."
how do you which one is God's plan? He will always open a way and solution whenever we need it. even though it's through the most inconvenient way possible --"
but im all better now. and i know you will too :) right? cheer up, cassey dear :D
and YOU'RE WRITING A BOOK? like a novel? or whaaaat? ahhh so nice to meet fellow author.
WOW, AMAZIIIINNGGGG. I always wanted to be a journalist and have my writings published in newspaper. Omona, you were SO LUCKY! :D
btw, Cass, may I ask you something? What would you prefer, your high school life or college times? Please give your reasons too :) Danke
Nice post, i've subscribed to your blog.
I invite you to get to know and become follower of Maison Chaplin, the most stylish and glam fashion blog:
www.MaisonChaplin.blogspot.com
a very nice comment from "vegarduel".
but honestly cass. he's totally RIGHT! hehehe
no cass you such lovely ;) terkadang emang suka kaya gitu perasaan. naek turun. kadang2 mendung. tapi kalo awn itemnya udah ilang. pasti lo bakal ngeliat langit yang cerah. cheer up my guru. hehehe ;)
cass.. tetep semangat yah. berdoa terus yah.. ^^..
ms. hunz
Helloo, I've been a silent reader of your blog and this is my first time commenting :)
I wanna share some quotes with you, hope they are useful :D
Steve Jobs once said... "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
And my teacher told me, "Don't be drowned in a problem, get out of it"
So cheer up! Get up and speak up, live the life you've been dreaming of. You're a great person and I'm sure you're gonna make it :)
Oh and of course, congratulations for winning the competition! :D
<3<3<3
hang in there kiddo
Hello Cassey :) i accidentally found your essay on thejakartaglobe.com.
well-said. Keep writing! :D oh, and interesting blog also! ^^
@Istina
Hahaha, I guess what I'm feeling right now is a reflection to what everyone else out there is feeling. And it sure is great to share, and get so many wonderful feedbacks. Apparently, I'm not the only one. Of course, at one point, we'll all find happiness in various ways, what's best for us. Thanks!
@vebryadayadaaa
Thank you sweetheart! I'm trying my best to be tough!
kak Cassey get your colour back and we'll wait for your next inspiring post :)
@Sashaa
God's plan eh? Hmm, well I'll believe in you then, I hope THERE IS a plan. No matter what it is, I hope it will take me to the right direction towards my dream :)
Ah yes, I'm writing a book. It's somewhat like a journal but also a novel. It's hard to explain, wait for it sometime in the end of this year! :D
@Bakkanekko
Nope, not Kompas, but The Jakarta Globe. Check out my next post, I posted the link to my article ;)
@rizky maretha
Hahaha, yeah, life is certainly like a roller coaster. Gets you anxious, one time you're on top, the next time you're on the bottom, and it's short, so you better enjoy it. Thanks! Yeah, his comments are always the best I've ever had hahaha.
@Velicia
Hi there silent reader, thank for coming out of your shell and leaving a comment! I love that quote from your teacher. I'm trying my best to cheer up. Now I'm getting up and speaking up at the same time. Thank you for such a sweet comment, hope you keep in touch ;)
@Marco N Adriaansz
Sacrificing, yes, indeed. It's just a matter of will, right?
@Aishanatasha
Oh babe, hugs from me to you.
@vegarduel
You always leave me speechless with your comments. Everything you said is exactly what I have in mind, but we both know how hard it is. If only life could be more simpler, but if it were, it wouldn't be called life. Yeah! Fuck the general rules, I'm fucking them already.
Now what you said about people supporting your dreams, hmmm, I have support indeed, but it's like they're supporting me for the wrong reasons, I'm not sure how to put it, it's just I feel like the support isn't enough. Words and actions are contrary. It's hard to make such choices, if I could, I'd leave, I'd go away and chase these dreams I have. But how could I do such a thing? I still need time to get my guts together.
Well, I'm sure I'll never be one of those carrier zombies, I'd hate that. That's why now I'm trying not to be on this path, because if I do, I'd turn out to be in those fucked situations where I'd chose to end my life instead. Truly, I'm trying my best!
Thank you for always being such a kind reader, and your words always gets me up. Not literally, but I love you! Hahaha!
@hanny arianty gultom
Of course, terima kasih ms. hunz :D
@Nicke Vinadia Putri
Well thank you very much dearest!
@Sheyka
Hahaha, yes! I'm so lucky. I've never thought I'd go this way, never thought writing was a thing I could do. But apparently, I could! :p
Which do I prefer? Well, that's hard. Both has it ups and downs. In my opinion, high school is so great because it's less responsibility, go to school, study, go home, and come back the next day. Teachers pay attention to you, when you have late homework, or bad grades. But you're not free, you'll be chased and chased until you graduate. In college, everything is up to you. You decide your own classes, you decide your own schedule. Everything is more liberating. But there's a pickle, you're so free and that requires a huge responsibility!
@edhika
Aww thank you! Great is great word. Hehehhe.
@Nur Zaman
Hahaha your guru eh? That's sweet. Thank you! Yaaa, sekarang udah enakan kok perasaannya. Doain aja ya, cita-cita bisa tercapai ;)
@cecilliahidayat
Oh that's cool! Thank you very much!
@Amanda Meirini Sucahyo
Heeee, yes Mom.
@tikaa
I'm slowly getting my colors back, and I just updated my blog with a new post, check it out! xx
anyway congratulation on winning the jakartaglobe contest. from that newspaper I came across to know you.hehe...
my_blog
Post a Comment