My Personal Philosophy About The L Word

Love is weird, and odd, actually. I think I've fallen into it, a few times now. I think I've fallen out of it, a few times now, also. But now I know, I no longer think. I had no idea, and still don't. (But deep inside, I'm sure of an idea, that I've known a love so eternal I can't let it go, yet again, it's just an idea.)

You know, when you have this feeling, it's like the end of everything. You see them, and you think to yourself, "This, this is the one." You feel their touch, and you think to yourself, "This, this is perfect." How could you be so sure? Of this feeling, of love? You make assumptions and you dream dreams of the right person at the right time with the right amount dedication. But who is right? When is right? How much is right?

There is no right. That's it. You will hear the phrase "Nobody's perfect." three thousand times and you taste barf right against the back of your throat.

At one point, the right person will soon show flaws. Even though you swore to always love them for exactly what they are. But the flaws exists and you secretly wish you could do something about them. Or perhaps, they came too soon or maybe too late. Wow, bad timing. Too soon, you haven't gained enough knowledge to know that this person IS in fact perfect, you just couldn't see it yet, and regret it in the future. Or too late, when you've grown into a mature version of yourself where your principles are solid and no longer are able to be changed even a tiny bit, and oh you wish they'd come a little bit sooner. But maybe, the person could be right and they stepped into the picture right on time, yet, they simply don't love you as much as you love them. Or at least as much as you expected, as much as it feels "right".

As for personal experience, I'm sure you stand exactly where I stand. We've been there, we've done that. We meet the right people, but then we scare them away. While others think we are right for them, but it wasn't the right timing for us to understand that. And then we got scared away.

And there it is. The three things we always blame. The person, the time, the amount of dedication. The three things we blame for us "falling out of love", the three things we blame for ruining whatever we felt. When all those lovely thoughts, "This is the one, this is perfect" fades away. We fall out of love. And weirdly, and oddly, we move on.

But it's love, for heaven's sake. Love knows no boundaries. There is no such thing as 'falling out of love'. If you think you've fallen out of it, you probably never have been in it.



P.S : A new photo series coming up for the next post. Hugs!

..And then I became a writer. Officially.

It was a hectic morning, February 13th. I wondered whether 13 the date was my lucky 13. I was haunted all night, thinking no one would show up to the official release of my first book. I feel like a nobody, who would come? I woke up surprisingly early. I usually never wake up before 12, but there I was awake, losing my mind, because Mom & my sister, Sky, still haven't decided what to wear. They were really, literally, driving me crazy. That morning, all I wanted was a boost of confidence, optimism and a huge cup of coffee.

After getting our wardrobe picked out, I grabbed that huge cup of coffee and we headed straight to the saloon. I had to get some make up done, as blemishes were growing massively on my cheeks. I've never had so much acne since junior high school. I was on the early days of my period and yeah, I was also stressing out, I guess. I felt so ugly, I needed a professional make up artist to hide those gross puberty evidence. Puberty ey? I thought I just turned 20 years old.

Mom & I got haircuts, Sky got her hair done too, into something that looks just similar as how it looks everyday. My make up session ended just about time, 30 minutes before my schedule to be on stage at Pejaten Village. The event took place in the main atrium of the damn mall. It freaked me out all morning. Still, the thought in my head, "What if no one shows up?"

Before I knew it, there I was. On stage. Staring at people who were smiling excitingly as they hear me speak. My personality faded away behind my embarrassment. I turned into this shy little lady, no words were able to come out from my mouth. As I am only able to speak out lame jokes to answer the commentator who keeps on asking weird questions, everyone seems to look... disappointed. But then the ice broke eventually and I got finally got comfortable after perhaps, 6 or maybe 7 questions.

People came. I was surprised. Blog readers, twitter followers. It was bizarrely wonderful. And as the event goes on, my friends kept showing up. High school friends, junior high school classmates, other bloggers, old friends I've known for years, even new friends I've only known through the internet. That secret guy I've been dating for a month now also came. (Please don't ask for details, we're only dating, casually).

The book signing session was the most delightful part of the night. Who knew, people ACTUALLY wanted my autograph? And they also wanted photos taken with me. ME? It was beyond magical. At an instant moment, I felt a bit like a celebrity. It was so fun. Autograph after autograph, photo after photo. Exhausting but fabulous. Too bad though, I got too excited, I forgot that my phone was on the book signing table, and I left it there unsupervised. My new Blackberry smartphone that I just bought 3 days ago. And boom, just like that, it vanished, into the hands of the fucking stealer. But I guess it was a sign, a sign that I didn't need a Blackberry and that my book would be selling good.

As soon as I realized my Blackberry was missing, I panicked, and then the event had to end. I regretted ending the event so soon, as later I found out that so many people came late and didn't get a chance to meet me. For that, if you're one of them, I'm deeply sorry. I hope you understand, and perhaps, we'll have a chance to meet again for my next book? :)

I lost a phone but I gained so much more. I am officially a writer, my book is in book stores all over the country, and wow don't I have the greatest readers in the world?!So far, the book has been selling in a great amount. Sold out in a few places already. Looks like a great start! I've been blessed, and I'm so very thankful. I'm thankful for this awesome opportunity and I'm thankful for you.

P.S : Find reviews about my book all over the internet. Google "Letters, Stories, & Dreams". Hope you've got my book already, if you haven't, aw that's a pity, you really should! x

BOOK LAUNCH: Letters, Stories, & Dreams by ME!!

The day has come! I am now officially a writer and omg I am dangerously excited I might go crazy soon.

I've been trying so bad to hide all the details about my upcoming book from you, but the emails, tweets, comments, etc., kept pouring in. It was so hard not to tell you about this book, it was killing me! So, just so you know, because of your lack of patience, my book publisher and I finally decided to end all the delays and get the book out NOW. And just like that, we got a date. (And worked our asses off to get this book as perfect as possible and available for you as soon as possible). If it turns out that this book sucks, I blame you for not being patient! Hahaha, no just kidding :p

"Letters, Stories, & Dreams" is the title of my first book. Why that for a title? You may ask. Because this book is a collection of all my journal entries, blog posts, and personal letters all collected into one book in a "novel" type arrangement. It took me almost 9 months to write and compile. It's pretty much a long story about everything I've been through and ever dreamt of for the past couple of years. Might sound a bit narcissistic, huh? Yeah, I thought so too. But it's definitely worth the try, why not?

The book is written in Bahasa Indonesia, which is of course a bit unfortunate for my readers who don't speak Indonesian. How ever though, if this book shows good potential, we might translate it and go international! Just wish me luck.

The most important thing that you, my lovely reader, must know, is the fact that this book, IS WRITTEN FOR YOU. Yes. This book is dedicated to YOU, for always being there to read my cheesy stories on this blog and actually getting to know me after all this time. You all are my friends, maybe sounds a little "digital love", but I really do love you. Without y'all, this would have never happened. So, if you've been a loyal reader for at least this past year, you'd really like this book. Why? Because it will tell you everything that happened 'behind the scenes'. It will answer all your curious questions :)

YOU ARE INVITED TO:

Official book launch "Letters, Stories, & Dreams" by Cassandra Niki
February 13th, 2010. At Pejaten Village, Jakarta. Main Atrium, ground floor.
Talk show starts at 5PM, book signing at 7PM.

Get free goodie bags from L'Oréal & La Tulipe and so many other prizes.
Also, 40% discount for all Terrant books, including "Letters, Stories, & Dreams"!!

RSVP yourself on Facebook, and invite your friends! :
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=293572391234

I sure hope to see you there! We'll take pictures and hang out!
Hugs & kisses,
Me.

10 Photography Tips

1) When you take a photo, don't think. Just feel.

2) Use an analog camera, the results are always surprising.

3) When you take a photo of someone, never count "1,2,3". They look best when they don't know when they need to pose. Go candid.

4) It's okay if you retouch your digital photos on Photoshop, as long as the end results are epic.

5) Bring your camera everywhere.

6) Never delete your photos from your camera until you transfer them into your computer. Do your reviews on your computer, not on your small camera screen.

7) Everything looks good on photo paper, don't be afraid to take super random shots. More random equals more creative.

8) You need inspiration to take photos? Watch a movie.

9) Minimize the use of accessories; lights, reflectors, fans, etc. All you need is your camera, your eyes, and your finger.

10) You really don't need to give a damn about photography tips. Make up your own tips, your own rules, your own style. Be yourself, that's the secret.

-Cassandra Niki x


P.S : My models are my family members and friends; Tamara Panza, Alisha, Sky Sucahyo, Priscilla Jamail, Fanni Imaniar, Dwenda Dexiana, & Imesh Nasution.

NEWS FLASH: I MET BOYS LIKE GIRLS

Omg this was hilarious. So, I just landed in Jakarta, got my luggage, met my mom, and we left the airport immediately. We were talking and catching up while driving on the highway, when I noticed 2 White Horse minibuses with super cute passengers right next to my car. At first I was like, "Oh look Mom, cute foreigners!" and she nodded. We kept talking, but then I realized that I've seen these dudes before, but I wasn't sure. And while mom was talking, I thought to myself, "These people look like important people.." and then it hit me. I was right, it was the band Boys Like Girls.

I started screaming hysterically. Mom was confused, like "What the fuck are you screaming about?!" Hahaha lol. And then right when their bus was next to my car, I opened down my window and waved like some crazy woman on drugs. Hahaha. The cool part was, they actually waved back and smiled. They were all seriously cute. I took a bunch of photos while screaming at their bus. I don't why I kept screaming though, when actually it really didn't do me any good. And the funny part, my mom waved out of control too and shouted as well, but in fact she really didn't know who they were and after the bus was left behind she asked, "Who was that again?" Hahaha!

And once I started tweeting excessively and received SO MANY replies, I realized one thing: I don't even like the band. Hahahaha. But whatever, I'm still glad I met rockstars. For those who are gonna see them live this Monday, have fun!