I'm Back For You

Well hello there loyal readers, and hello to those who are new readers. I've been absent for a while, I'm sure you've noticed. And by judging the last post, you can see that I've been through a tough time. I hate to tell you that after 2 years of an amazing relationship, I'm somewhat somehow 'single' now, and it's a long story to tell. But even if it was a short one, you know that I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about it now.

So anyway, how's everyone been doing? I moved to a new dormitory a couple months ago and I still have no internet connection, which is really a pain in the arse. I can't live without internet, but I can't afford going to hotspot cafes all the time either. So, please, I beg mercy from you, I'm sorry for being away these past weeks.

Another photo series? Sure! I must upload my old collection of photos though, because to be frank, I haven't held a camera for a couple of months now. Aaw, I know that it's such a pity. But I'm really fed up with college and I'm currently writing a book, remember? Don't worry though, I've got PLENTY of projects ahead of me, starting by the end of this month. Of course, photography projects. I'm gonna start taking photos of models again like I used to. And I'm doing a little modeling too myself, I'll surely keep you updated when the magazines that I'm featured in hits the magazine stands.

Click to full view, cupcakes.

These photos were taken in Beijing, China, with Jason's Multicolor Holga. As I said before, if you remember, I'm not good with lomography. But yet again, the 10 rolls that I brought to China definitely paid off some cool shots. Even though from supposedly 10x12 photos, only 15 turned out good enough, and only these 4 were "blog material". Lol.

I miss you all, I really do. You readers are the ones who keep me going. Last week, I actually had this horrible idea to shut down my blog and move on with my life privately. But, I couldn't. Blogging turned out to become something I really enjoy. And the thought of leaving you guys curious really bothers me! Keep updated for new posts that will be coming up real soon. XO!


P.S : My 20th birthday is on the 27th day this month, I'm tremendously excited!

IRONIC.

© PostSecret.

The one person you love the most could also be the one who hurts you the worst. Isn't it ironic?

They say, if you love someone, you must fight for them. Because time flies fast, and this might be your only chance. But what if you've fought as hard as you could, and that one person still doesn't see you? Then stop. YOU are important, YOU must be happy. Some people are idiots, they can't see the love that's in front of their eyes. Isn't it ironic?

A Song, A Moment.

Who doesn't love music? Raise your hand if don't enjoy music. Aha, just as I thought, there's no one in this world that would possibly not take pleasure in music.

A couple days ago, I was chatting with my boyfriend, Jason, and he was asking for some song recommendations, as he was on the search for some new music. Currently, I'm loving Yo La Tengo and Midlake, both of them has this folky indie sound which I like a lot. So anyway, we got talking and he started mentioning songs that he said that reminded him of me. And it was funny to know that he could be compassionate about these songs. He'd mention a song, and then he'd mention a particular moment when that song was playing. It was certainly a huge shock to me. I literally laughed all night, it was so sweet of him to remember such events. And then I started thinking of this idea to write down the songs that reminded me of him. A song, a moment.


#1 As Lovers Go - Dashboard Confessional.
Reminds me of : Riding his vespa, in our school uniform. Hugging him tight, as it was still in the first month since he became mine. We were such kids, we'd send messages with the lyrics to this song. "I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours my dear".

#2 Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds - Bono (The Beatles Cover)
Reminds me of : Sitting in my Grandma's living room, getting high and laughing at each other. Our eyes were terribly red, and we'd take stupid photos on my laptop. This song also reminds me of being on the beach reminiscing our days together.

#3 Drifting - Andy McKee
Reminds me of : Being in Bandung, waiting for Jason to come back from his test to get into university. The first time I knew I'd lose him to the city. We slept in each other arms and he'd wake me up with hundreds of kisses in the morning. Watch Andy's video.

#4 Die, Die My Darling - The Misfits
Reminds me of : Saturday nights in his car, in the middle of a traffic jam. Back in high school, we always had The Misfits' CD as our Saturday night soundtrack. He'd hold my hand while singing the lyrics sarcastically to my face. "Die, die my darling. Just shut your pretty mouth". Ok, that ain't romantic, but this song is so us!

#5 Talk Shows On Mute - Incubus
Reminds me of : Last year, when Incubus had a concert in Jakarta, things went wrong so we couldn't enter the venue. So we walked back together to the parking lot, hand in hand. While we could hear Brandon singing this song. We sang along loudly. It was literally a perfect moment! I've wrote about this one before.

#6 Special Needs - Placebo
Reminds me of : Being somewhere near him. It was his ringtone back then. Every time his phone rings, this song would be heard. This song is so high school for me, reminds me of being desperately in love with him and adoring the way he answer phone calls.

#7 All I Need - Radiohead
Reminds me of : Watching him walk away while I walk behind him. When he came to visit me here in Jogja, and he was about to go home. Holding his train ticket in his hand, and he kissed my forehead. Told me to take good care of myself, and asked me not to come to the train station because it would be hard to go.

There are still dozens of songs, but if I wrote them all down, this would be the most boring blog post ever! Hahaha. Hope you enjoyed this little piece out of my memory box. And you can download the songs if you like. Just right click + Save Link/Target As. To be honest with you, our relationship is hitting the rocks. But I don't want to give out to many details. Talk to you guys later! Follow me on Twitter if you don't mind :D XO



P.S : Jason, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I miss you and I always think of you.

I Can Feel Blue Too

Am I living a dream that isn't mine? I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be, not surrounded by people who should be around me, not in the path I should be walking through. But that's life, I guess. All you can do is hope and dream. And even though you try hard to be who you want to be, you'd be a lucky one in between millions, if you ever get there. If you don't, well you just gotta accept it. No matter how bitter it feels. I have not been myself lately, I'm like a machine, doing orders and moving under someone's control. Not that I'm saying that I hate my life, but to be frank, I wish it could be better. I secretly cry myself to bed sometimes. This place, this life, this person. Where, what, who?

Yet there's a passion in my heart, but my voice can't come out. There's a will in my guts, but my muscles can't work.

But I ask myself again, is this just a thing grown ups go through? The breakdowns, the heartbreaks, the unfulfilled expectations?

I've became best friends with the airplanes, the clouds, and the wind. But they can't take me where I want to be.



P.S : I won the Indonesian Youth Conference blog competition! Read my article online at The Jakarta Globe's website. My article will be published in the newspaper, soon. How cool is that? ;)

China Landscapes

Second post for the Chinese experience I had a couple months ago. Well, to be frank, I could say it was the one of the hardest trips for me. Not only because that my left foot was horribly injured at the beginning of the trip, but the heat of summer was also making all the walking we had to do much more uneasy. But even so, China is a beautiful country. The Chinese people, oh my, their loyalty to their culture is beyond madness. I wish I had such spirits as they do. As my Philosophy of Ancient China professor said, the Chinese people have a method of life which favors their own culture to get much stronger day by day. No matter how modern they have become, they still live to compliment nature and all it's elements. It was definitely a pleasure to witness.

1) Military ship passing by in Shanghai. 2) Zhouzhang, the Venice of the Orient. 3) Can you see the Great Wall of China far away behind me?

Ever since I first started posting my personal photos on this blog, I've never posted any landscape photos. There's a reason though, I'm not really good in taking landscape photographs. I have never found out a way to show emotion in an object that could not express feelings. If you know me well enough, you'd know how much I love taking snapshot photos of people and their emotions that I capture is the most important thing in those portraits. These photos aren't so great, but I just had to show you how it was like over there through the lens of my camera.

4) Saying goodbye to Macau as the sun starts to set. 5) Another "failed" shot of the Great Wall. 6) Musical parade at Disneyland Hongkong.

And now... A treat for you my lovely readers, my 4th set of Photoshop actions. Best used on high resolution photos, with lighter contrasts. If the results don't look good enough for you, feel free to retouch with your own personal techniques. Most photos turn out a bit dark with these actions, so be sure to increase the brightness before saving. You have any questions, just email me anytime! XO!

[[Click here to download my 4th Photoshop Actions Set]]

P.S : I re-uploaded the Batu Karas photos with much better ones, check them out once again ;D

Weird Come Back

Going back to Jogja for my third semester feels like such a weird come back. I've been gone for two months, now I'm in college again, and yet next week I must go to Jakarta (again) for Hari Raya Idul Fitri. I'm not a moslem, however my family are mostly moslems. So I must spend time with them. To be frank, I'd rather go to Bandung and hug Jason all over. How ever, that ain't possible!

I've got no stories to tell to you guys, so I'll just post my latest photos from my trip to China a couple months ago. I've still got 10 undeveloped films and almost 200 digital photos that haven't been retouched. While in the meantime, college assignments are already pouring in and I've got a lot of writing to do. (As since early this year, I've been writing a book. Yes! There's an announcement for you!). I'll keep posting the China photos for 2-3 posts after this one, because there are so many good ones, and I just got to share them with you! By the way, don't ever forget I've still got a DeviantArt account and a Twitter account! I'll be very happy to meet any of you there. Well, have a good day everyone, ciao!

1) Tamara, Shanghai. 2) Sky, Beijing. 3) Alisha, Singapore. 4) Me, Beijing. 5) Hanna, Macau.

P.S : I decided not to put any watermarks on my photos, so please people, DO NOT steal my work. You may save my photos and publish them for creative references. But clearly not to be claimed as yours. I'm always available on email if you need to contact me due to ask for permission to use any of my works. Be yourself! Thank you!


Oh, and be prepared for the next post, because I'll be posting new Photoshop actions for you to download! :D